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Post by sibemom on Feb 14, 2004 9:48:43 GMT -5
You know sometimes being a parent is the hardest thing in life to do. The benefits out weight the complications but sometimes, you REALLY have to look hard at that. Yesterday was Friday the 13th I am not superstitious so it's just another day to me. Well maybe not. My 18 year old son Lucas has a problem with drugs and alcohol, and also with less than desirable friends. We have been forgeing ahead taking it a day at a time, and I never lose sight of how much I love him. Yesterday was the breaking point. He came home STONE DRUNK and God knows what else. He passed out and when he woke up I had a little talk with him. I explained to him that as long as he lives under our roof this kind of behavior must stop. HE EXPLODED said some very nasty things got a little pushy, not a good move on his part, and proceeded to tell me that we were no longer his family his friends were. Having been through these situations with his father (my psyco ex) I am pretty good at handeling them. When he got more agitated I did what I knew I had to do and that was to tell him to pack his things and leave. That was hard, he is my son and I love him, but in order to help him I must use tough love. I am holding up pretty good better than I thought and I am sticking to my word. I told him untill he asks for help by going into treatment he cannot come back here I said I will always love you but you need help. This is my son the creative, sweet, wonderful funny one, who has decided to flush his life down the toilet because it's more fun to get HIGH than to deal with the world straight. I dont look at this as a black cloud I look at this as a starting point for healing. I am still quiting smoking Sunday my plan wont change becasue of this. I worry about where he is and what he is doing but I also know that I did the right thing and it had to be done. Maybe once he is out there in the real world he will figure out that being home was a much better option. I can only pray for that.
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Post by Brooke on Feb 14, 2004 17:48:09 GMT -5
Ann I sent you an email.
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Post by Nicole on Feb 14, 2004 21:42:23 GMT -5
Ann, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't have children so I can't even begin to imagine the emotions that you must be going through. But I am sending prayers, hugs and good thoughts your way. I hope that your son soon realizes that his "friends" are likely fair weathered and that there really is no place like home.
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Post by Richard on Feb 14, 2004 23:10:08 GMT -5
Holy Cow Ann....you've cornered the market these past few weeks on personal dilemmas....I think you've earned your quota for the balance of the year...
As for your domestic situation with your son, I think you did the right thing there....it may take him a few days but your son needs to put 2 + 2 together to realize that equals 4 and in his world, there isn't a better deal out there. I don't doubt his friends had something to do with his behaviour that you saw the past few days. I also understand the changes we go through as we pass through our teens (I was threatened to be tossed out on my ear at 18 as well....just a bad crappy attitude though...my parents were constatly fighting, drinking and had the most dysfunctional relationship this side of venus) so where this isn't exactly your son's problems, I can understand something has happened in his head to where he feels its time to spread his wings...problem is the booze and drugs are going to get him mucked up more than he realizes. And in the morning, when he's looking around for his friends, they won't be there, they'll be long gone like the fine "fair weather" friends they are....your son will soon have to realize that (I don't think there is many other options).
I know this has been the icing on the cake after the week you had last week Ann, but I also see that you are clear, rational and making decisions with your head instead of your heart (althought the heart tries to get a word or two in here and there) and that type of thinking is important right now.
We always talk about how we train our dogs and how it reminds us of kids...well, once we chart a path for training for our dogs, we stay the course and don't veer off nor give up. I think, if we apply this thinking to what you are doing, it is the best you can in this situation and now only time will tell when your son will realize that the best place to be on earth is at home, with people who love him for who he is....
-Richard
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Post by sibemom on Feb 15, 2004 7:48:56 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for your kind words Luke is staying with his girlfriends family right now. Her dad is a recovering addict/alcoholic, and is doing his best to talk sense into him. I am glad that they were willing to allow him to stay at least the worry of him being out on the street is not present. As far as these little G-BANGERS he calls friends I have a plan for them too. Being on very good terms with our local law enforecement and belonging to MAG (mothers against gangs) their day is comming. These guys are nothing more than flesh eating bacteria, who prey on those that allow them too! I mean I can't blame them for every problem Lucas has BUT they are certainly contributing. With some info that our dear sweet Brooke had sent me and with contacting a friend of mine who was a cult/gang de-programer for many years, I have a great game plan. We will be working on a forced intervention. They say that forcing someone to get help dosent work but I dont believe that. If you get put somehwere and know you cant leave for several months you are more likely to go with the program to make your stay tollerable. With having a great support system with my family and friends especially those here I know that we will get through this and the outcome will be postitive. Today is Sunday the beggining of a new week and BY GOD it will be a better one
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Post by Willow on Feb 15, 2004 15:06:06 GMT -5
Ann, I am glad you are going to do an *intervention* on your son!!! This was my first thought, because if a person waits for the addicted one to ask for help, by then it may be too late!!! Many people have overdosed or become so despondent they decided to end their life before agreeing to get help, because they certainly aren't thinking clearly and feel everyone else is wrong and they are doing just fine! I hope and pray all goes well and that you get Lucas into a good treatment program and he gets his life straightend out. All you can do at this time is give him the opportunity to do just that, whether he wants it or not, and be there when he needs you. Which he will, many times, before this is over with.
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Post by sibemom on Feb 15, 2004 15:27:32 GMT -5
You are so right Loey and that is where we are at. I wrote a letter to the court this morning and mailed it. After calling the phone number that Brooke sent me, THANKS BROOKE ;D, those counselors gave me lots of info on where to start and what to do. This has been on going since he was about 14 and as much as I tried, thinking that because he was juvinile it would be easier to get help. That was not the case. I stayed focused and on track and never gave up or lost sight of how much I loved my son. He is in BIG denial right now which is very common. I am on a mission and my husband said that is a dangerous thing cause he knows my determination. His words to me this morning were "SICK UM HONEY" ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. It's a great day outside even if it is cold and it is a starting to a new day ;D
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Post by Willow on Feb 15, 2004 15:43:33 GMT -5
It's a great day outside even if it is cold and it is a starting to a new day ;D Atta girl! Keep that attitude and you will do fine. The past couple of years have been terrible for both my husband's and my family with losing his brother, my mother and my nephew, and now my best friend here in Wi. is dying of cancer, plus.....last but not least, my crazy niece and family are still making trouble for me, but I try to see the humorous side of THAT situation and laugh about it!! It does help, and I am just thankful to wake up each morning to a new day and be in reasonably good health to enjoy my life, husband, families, friends, and DOGS!!! That's all I hope for each day. ;D
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Post by Brooke on Feb 15, 2004 19:29:32 GMT -5
It gives me a warm fuzzy to know I could help in this situation Ann. The people at that number are great. I think I talked to one lady for almost two hours one night. It helps me feel better in places where I may have failed awhile back. So I'm really feeling good right now and I hope that things go as well as planned. I'm really pulling for you guys, big time. Let me know if theres anything I can do even if its just offering an ear and of course definately keep me informed.
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Post by Richard on Feb 15, 2004 22:55:08 GMT -5
Ann if determination could be registered on a scale from 1 to 100, 1 being the least, 100 being the most, I think you would be around, say 1000!!
Someday you can sit back and write a book about what it means to have determination and being in control of your life instead of the other way around...I'd buy a copy!
-Richard
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Post by sibemom on Feb 17, 2004 8:10:36 GMT -5
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Post by Willow on Feb 17, 2004 10:26:56 GMT -5
Ann, this is good news.
Might I also suggest that tomorrow, if at all possible, you watch the Dr. Phil show. I don't know if you know who he is etc., but some parents awhile back did an intervention on his show, with their son Brandon, who sounds a lot like Lucas. They forced him into treatment, eventhough he denied he had a problem etc., but gave him no choice but to go or not come home. Tomorrow he is going to be back on the show and the preview's said that what Brandon has to tell parents tomorrow may save their child's life. He comes on here at 3p.m., channel 2.
I have deep respect for Dr. Phil and very seldom, if ever, disagree with his advise. A real down to earth guy!
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Post by sibemom on Feb 17, 2004 10:38:02 GMT -5
Thanks for reminding me of Dr. Phils show. Brooke had sent me the link to read about the whole story of Brandon. I will watch it. We now have our intervention team in place. It will consist of myself, my 17 year old, my oldest son (via Speaker Phone) Bob, my mother, the Judge, and the Marine Corps Recruiter. Why the recruiter you might ask? Well he was one of those guys like Luke. Heavy into drugs and alcohol, gang influences, and just a person who's life was totally screwed up and going no where. Andy had called him and he offered his assistance no matter if Luke decides to enlist or not. He also said they have a special program for people like Luke because that is what he went into. They do a regular detox then behavior modification and then 13 weeks of boot camp. We have a large team because there is strength in numbers. I also have my friend the de-programer waiting in the wings. If we make no progress then he has a plan probably illegal but if it works it's fine by me. We have our bases covered. We are still laying the ground work before this happens, but we are getting closer.
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Post by sibemom on Feb 17, 2004 10:41:48 GMT -5
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Post by Brooke on Feb 17, 2004 14:49:52 GMT -5
Ann your plan sounds wonderful! I am so proud of you for putting all this together. I am so proud of these people coming together to help you. I remember the woman that I talked to said that her mom had hand cuffed herself to her when the intervention started so that she couldn't leave. Just a suggestion...
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