Post by Brooke on May 1, 2004 14:52:45 GMT -5
Monday, April 26, 2004
Pleeeeee ... ase can we get a dog?
EAST BAY - What parent can resist those words? Or the light in a child's eyes when she sees a kitten? Or the deep belly laughs that accompany her first romp with a squirmy puppy that's crawling all over her and licking her face? Or the non-verbal connection that develops between kids and dogs, who seem to understand one another on a level we can't even relate to?
An experienced parent can resist, that's who. The parent who knows that puppies grow up into dogs, and that what a child's happiness depends on one minute can be completely irrelevant to him the next. The parent who grew up with a dog and remembers the work it entails. The parent who knows he'll be the one taking care of the dog sooner or later. That parent can resist — at least for a while.
But then come the promises. "I'll take care of him! I'll feed him! I'll walk him every day, I promise!" And before you know it, you've visited the shelter "just to look," and your child has fallen in love with an adorable mixed breed that has paws bigger than large pizzas. Now what?
Deciding to get a pet needs to be a family commitment and a family decision. Don't get one "for" your child and expect him to deal with it. Although pets can help teach children responsibility, they can't be a child's responsibility. They're a family investment. That said, if you've decided the time is right (or if you've just been overpowered by family pressure), some guidelines might help you make this new relationship a success.
Start small
If your family hasn't had a pet before, think about starting with something low maintenance, like some fish, a bird, or a hamster. Children can learn "the routine" of pet care with an animal that doesn't require training or affection to be a "good pet." Then, when you do decide to get a puppy, you'll have a frame of reference: "Remember when you got tired of cleaning Budgie's cage?"
Think developmentally. Although a 3-year-old can bond with a puppy and benefit tremendously from growing up with a dog, she can't be expected to care for or train him. A 6-year-old, who can be expected to help with training, will have moments of frustration and disinterest when you'll have to intervene. And pre-teens, who spend more and more time away from home, may be inconsistent and unpredictable with a pet, as they are with most things. Make sure your expectations for your child's involvement are compatible with where that child is developmentally — be realistic!
Get the right age and breed
If all parents and kids are off to work or school each day, do not get a puppy — they need regular attention. Do your homework if you're getting a dog. Some breeds are better with children than others. Some require large yards and lots of exercise, and some don't. Choose a breed that's compatible with your family and your lifestyle. And keep in mind that many dog owners will only opt for a shelter pup, feeling that mixed breeds are both calmer and smarter than purebreds.
Have a plan
Decide before your new pet comes home who will feed it, water it, exercise it, and train it — and make sure everyone has a shared understanding of who will do what. To be good members of the family, dogs need to be loved and need to be trained. Whether you take your puppy to puppy kindergarten or whether you work with your child to train him, you need to have a program in mind or a plan in place that everyone agrees to. Some families even write up a "contract" that everybody signs.
Know who 'the boss' is
Someone needs to oversee this family adventure, and it will usually end up being whichever parent is home the most. If you're getting a dog, this is the person your dog needs to see as "the leader of the pack." No matter how consistent your efforts to share pet responsibilities, whoever's around the animal most needs to be the ultimate authority figure and nurturer for the puppy.
If you control for some of these variables, you'll be amazed at how much your pet will teach your child, and you, about empathy, about responsibility, about consistency, about love, about loyalty, and ultimately, about loss. That's why most people who've grown up with pets continue to own them as adults. If you're one of them, you know why that is; if you're getting a pet for the first time, you're about to find out.
Jana Porter, LICSW BCD, of Little Compton, has worked with children and parents in both clinical and educational settings. She is also a parent of three adult children. She invites readers to e-mail questions about parenting or topics of interest to her at jpp919@yahoo.com.
Fun pet statistics
* Of the 102.8 million households in the U.S., 33.2 million have at least one cat as a pet.
n The following statistics exemplify pet owners feelings towards their pets:
* 31,589,887 dog owners purchase Christmas gifts for their dogs.
* 39,091,999 cats receive Christmas gifts from their owners.
* 13,455,002 cats have their birthdays celebrated.
n 9,843,962 dog owners celebrate their dogs' birthdays in the following ways:
* Give dog a special treat: 4,567,598
* Make dog a special meal: 1,978,636
* Give dog a cake: 1,850,665
* Give dog a new toy: 1,801,445
* Give dog ice cream: 1,102,524
* Give dog a new bone: 964,708
* Sing or wish dog happy birthday: 698,921
* Give dog a party with other dogs or pets: 659,545
* Take dog to favorite place: 393,758
* Take photographs: 216,567
n More than half of American dog owners are more attached to their pets than to at least one other human being. The following numbers represent those who say they are as attached to their dogs as to the following persons:
* Best friend: 16,213,555
* Children: 8,321,566
* Spouse: 5,421,959
n 39% of America's pet owners display their pet's picture in their home.
n 16% of America's pet owners keep a picture of their pet in their wallet or purse.
n American dogs sleep in the following places:
* On top of the bed: 10,100,000
* In a dog house: 8,635,500
* On the floor: 7,524,500
* In a dog bed: 7,322,500
* In the garage: 6,413,500
* In their owner's bed: 1,262,500
n 67% of America's cats are allowed to sleep on their owner's bed or anywhere they want.
n More than half of America's dogs can perform at least one trick (25,300,500).
—Source: American Pet Association
By Jana Porter
www.eastbayri.com/story/280370462011871.php
Pleeeeee ... ase can we get a dog?
EAST BAY - What parent can resist those words? Or the light in a child's eyes when she sees a kitten? Or the deep belly laughs that accompany her first romp with a squirmy puppy that's crawling all over her and licking her face? Or the non-verbal connection that develops between kids and dogs, who seem to understand one another on a level we can't even relate to?
An experienced parent can resist, that's who. The parent who knows that puppies grow up into dogs, and that what a child's happiness depends on one minute can be completely irrelevant to him the next. The parent who grew up with a dog and remembers the work it entails. The parent who knows he'll be the one taking care of the dog sooner or later. That parent can resist — at least for a while.
But then come the promises. "I'll take care of him! I'll feed him! I'll walk him every day, I promise!" And before you know it, you've visited the shelter "just to look," and your child has fallen in love with an adorable mixed breed that has paws bigger than large pizzas. Now what?
Deciding to get a pet needs to be a family commitment and a family decision. Don't get one "for" your child and expect him to deal with it. Although pets can help teach children responsibility, they can't be a child's responsibility. They're a family investment. That said, if you've decided the time is right (or if you've just been overpowered by family pressure), some guidelines might help you make this new relationship a success.
Start small
If your family hasn't had a pet before, think about starting with something low maintenance, like some fish, a bird, or a hamster. Children can learn "the routine" of pet care with an animal that doesn't require training or affection to be a "good pet." Then, when you do decide to get a puppy, you'll have a frame of reference: "Remember when you got tired of cleaning Budgie's cage?"
Think developmentally. Although a 3-year-old can bond with a puppy and benefit tremendously from growing up with a dog, she can't be expected to care for or train him. A 6-year-old, who can be expected to help with training, will have moments of frustration and disinterest when you'll have to intervene. And pre-teens, who spend more and more time away from home, may be inconsistent and unpredictable with a pet, as they are with most things. Make sure your expectations for your child's involvement are compatible with where that child is developmentally — be realistic!
Get the right age and breed
If all parents and kids are off to work or school each day, do not get a puppy — they need regular attention. Do your homework if you're getting a dog. Some breeds are better with children than others. Some require large yards and lots of exercise, and some don't. Choose a breed that's compatible with your family and your lifestyle. And keep in mind that many dog owners will only opt for a shelter pup, feeling that mixed breeds are both calmer and smarter than purebreds.
Have a plan
Decide before your new pet comes home who will feed it, water it, exercise it, and train it — and make sure everyone has a shared understanding of who will do what. To be good members of the family, dogs need to be loved and need to be trained. Whether you take your puppy to puppy kindergarten or whether you work with your child to train him, you need to have a program in mind or a plan in place that everyone agrees to. Some families even write up a "contract" that everybody signs.
Know who 'the boss' is
Someone needs to oversee this family adventure, and it will usually end up being whichever parent is home the most. If you're getting a dog, this is the person your dog needs to see as "the leader of the pack." No matter how consistent your efforts to share pet responsibilities, whoever's around the animal most needs to be the ultimate authority figure and nurturer for the puppy.
If you control for some of these variables, you'll be amazed at how much your pet will teach your child, and you, about empathy, about responsibility, about consistency, about love, about loyalty, and ultimately, about loss. That's why most people who've grown up with pets continue to own them as adults. If you're one of them, you know why that is; if you're getting a pet for the first time, you're about to find out.
Jana Porter, LICSW BCD, of Little Compton, has worked with children and parents in both clinical and educational settings. She is also a parent of three adult children. She invites readers to e-mail questions about parenting or topics of interest to her at jpp919@yahoo.com.
Fun pet statistics
* Of the 102.8 million households in the U.S., 33.2 million have at least one cat as a pet.
n The following statistics exemplify pet owners feelings towards their pets:
* 31,589,887 dog owners purchase Christmas gifts for their dogs.
* 39,091,999 cats receive Christmas gifts from their owners.
* 13,455,002 cats have their birthdays celebrated.
n 9,843,962 dog owners celebrate their dogs' birthdays in the following ways:
* Give dog a special treat: 4,567,598
* Make dog a special meal: 1,978,636
* Give dog a cake: 1,850,665
* Give dog a new toy: 1,801,445
* Give dog ice cream: 1,102,524
* Give dog a new bone: 964,708
* Sing or wish dog happy birthday: 698,921
* Give dog a party with other dogs or pets: 659,545
* Take dog to favorite place: 393,758
* Take photographs: 216,567
n More than half of American dog owners are more attached to their pets than to at least one other human being. The following numbers represent those who say they are as attached to their dogs as to the following persons:
* Best friend: 16,213,555
* Children: 8,321,566
* Spouse: 5,421,959
n 39% of America's pet owners display their pet's picture in their home.
n 16% of America's pet owners keep a picture of their pet in their wallet or purse.
n American dogs sleep in the following places:
* On top of the bed: 10,100,000
* In a dog house: 8,635,500
* On the floor: 7,524,500
* In a dog bed: 7,322,500
* In the garage: 6,413,500
* In their owner's bed: 1,262,500
n 67% of America's cats are allowed to sleep on their owner's bed or anywhere they want.
n More than half of America's dogs can perform at least one trick (25,300,500).
—Source: American Pet Association
By Jana Porter
www.eastbayri.com/story/280370462011871.php