Everyday I ask myself what I was thinking. Something was obviously wrong. I knew you were sick. It didn't really hit me that something was really wrong till he called and told me you were gone. I should have known. You weren't right. You were really not right and I saw that. It just happened so fast.
I saw you! You were walking around. You were driving. You were talking and laughing. You were drinking tea. You were 23 and 15 hours later you are gone just like that! How does this happen out of no where?
Remember when I posted about the dog I was working with? Baxter...
His "mommy" Marjorie was a good friend of mine. She passed away the end of November... and I'm still having a rough time with it. She had been really sick for two or three weeks. She lost a bunch of weight, couldn't keep food down. Couldn't sleep... She had gone to the doctor but only seemed to be getting worse. She continued to come to work.
She came in the day she passed just to visit. I talked to her. She was laughing one minute and the next ... she was just excitable. Almost anxious like. She couldn't sit still. My boss was standing next to her talking to everyone in a conversation and he threw his hands up in the air...she kind of ducked and covered her head and started crying. That wasn't like her. She was acting really strange. We almost thought she was on some kind of drug.
I talked to her for awhile, she was starting to open up a little about stuff and I got a phone call I had to take, I went to answer the call and when I went back to talk to her more she had left. She wasn't right that day at all. It was obvious something was wrong...physically and mentally. Everyone could tell. She hadn't been that way any other day. I just feel like I dropped the ball because I was the closest to her. I helped her move. We started spending a lot of time together...looked out for eachother. We walked our dogs together.
I should have took her to the hospital or doctor or something. She was that sick, I should have. I just didn't realize she was so sick she'd be gone in a matter of hours. I mean, she was walking around, out and about...she was driving. She was fully dressed. It wasn't like she couldn't get out of bed. She was 23 for god sake.
She called one of the guys from work freaking out that night. Her dad went and picked her up to take her to the hospital and she ended up passing away on the sidewalk outside the hospital before they could even get her inside. I can't even explain the shock. We found out about a month later it was Viral Encephalitis.
Its still just not quite hitting home all the way yet. I've gotten through the phase of expecting her to walk in the door everyday... it's just still hard to digest.
I found out her dad took Baxter to the SPCA the day after (at least I hope it was the SPCA) Animal Control would have put him down on the spot. He was obviously mostly, if not all Pit. She always tried to pass him as a Boxer because thats what the breeder told her he was. I've been trying to find out for sure what happened to him because it's just bugging me not to know. Not that I've been in a position to do anything about it, but I haven't been able to get any answers from them.
I am sorry to hear what happened to your friend, Brooke. What you are experiencing right now is part of the grief period...the "guilt" period. This is when you keep asking yourself, "what if"? and saying, "if only I had.."
A friend of mine just lost his wife suddenly this past Thursday and it has been rough for all of us. She didn't feel well for a few days, but didn't want to go to the Dr. The morning of the day she died, she told her sister in law..also a good friend of mine, and the sister to my friend whose wife it is that died, that she felt like she had a lump in her stomach and couldn't eat.
By that afternoon she was worse, so her husband took her to the emergency room, even though she still insisted she didn't want to go. An hour later she was dead and they think it was a blood clot to the lung.
A person just never knows......
Loey " Dream like you have forever. Live like you only have today."
"Our days are happier when we give people a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind."
Oh Brooke. I am so sorry. Loey is right in what she says you are experiencing. It is so hard and you do just never know what is going to happen. All of your knowledge is in hindsight so you CANNOT blame yourself.
I had a similar experience with a friend who worked with me at the italian restaurant. We were close work friends. Well she left work because she had a headache and drove another girl home and she took an aspirin while she was driving and crashed and she died from choking to death. I still think of her to this day and wish I had somehow been there with her to help her to stop choking or if I drove her home or something. She was only 17.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Nicki Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware, of giving your heart to a dog to tear.... Rudyard Kipling
Oh Brooke I am so sorry, this is hard I know but like Loey said it is part of the greif process. In time it will get better but it is true you never know when or how so that is why you have to live life to the fullest everyday, and have no regrets. You do what you can the best way you can and don't look back. Hard for us humans to remember that. I try to think that with every door that closes a window opens somewhere. So sorry for your loss.
_______________________________ Ann "I AM ALPHA HEAR ME ROAR" meow!
I was really shook after a co-worker died unexpectedly. We weren't close but we did enjoy each other's company at town meetings and stuff (we were reporters). She had this little red Mazda Miata, was engaged, and was on her way to her new home where her family and friends were putting up a surprise housewarming party -- and she never got there. Some drunk idiot swerved into the median on her way to Orlando, and that was the end of her.
I think it shook me because at our age (mid to late 20's), we think we have all this time ahead of us, and things were just starting to come together for her. I still find myself looking for her at town meetings.
At any rate, what I felt is not a tenth of how you feel, but to a degree, I understand.