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Post by akinito on Nov 19, 2006 20:44:43 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I've been 'm-i-a' for the past few months because the love of my life, my hubby,passed away last summer. I don't want to go into details but this is my situation. I am going to downsize-hopefully move into a townhouse (same town because of my 12yr old's school) -maybe in the next 6months. Ringo, our dog, currently loves our backyard-running around. If we move into a townhouse (they accept pets)-the fenced yard area is so small-like a 20 x 12. When we move, it'll be only me and my 12yrold daughter -my Marine son will be moving to his own place. This is my problem. Ringo was my husband's choice of dog. He is a white german shepherd. At this point in my life, I find myself exhausted with being a single parent, working full time, preparing the house for sale, and all the other elements that go with being a widow. Ringo has to be walked 2x a day..me in the morning and my son in the evening. He sheds like crazy..harder to clean up...and he is more alone now because it is only 3 of us in the house -used to be 5 (other daughter in college now) and we spend most time upstairs now and he is not allowed upstairs. I want to either pass him on to a relative or to a rescue center because I simply can not handle him anymore..i want him to be with a family that will spend more time with him. I do want to get a smaller dog..like a maltese or maltepoo..i believe they don't shed (w/c is a must for me now)and i want a dog that can roam around the whole house. i want this one to be a companion for me...one that can sleep on my bed, too. My daughter can not take another loss..if Ringo is not in her life. I don't know what to do..please forgive me if I sound cruel..but I feel that I will not be able to take care of him ideally..in the new place..being smaller... Pls..what do I do?
Thank you...Marsha
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Post by sibemom on Nov 20, 2006 7:31:27 GMT -5
OH MARSHA I am so sorry about your loss, no words can even express my sympathy. Now about Ringo. Remember something and that is dogs adapt to their surroundings, and yes he probably does need some excersise, but take my situation. My dogs were use to ALOT of walks and excersise, but because of my accident that has changed drasticly. They are still happy, and much better off with us then if I would try and rehome them and although it will take time for Ringo to adapt HE WILL. I know the hair etc... is a pain but no matter what dog you get there is always something about them that is kind of a pain. If you want a dog to sleep on your bed HE CAN BE THAT DOG Take your time with this decision and I agree with Dom if you have to re home him then do it yourself so that you can check the people out. Take your time with this decision, I was already to find Brody a new home because I did not think the situation here was fair to him but then things changed and now I am training as my service dog. Ringo will offer you security and companionship and yes I am sure it would be hard on your daughter if you had to give him up. Again I am SOOOOOO SORRY for you loss hang tough
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Post by Richard on Nov 20, 2006 18:00:51 GMT -5
Marsha,
I too wish to pass on my deepest sympathy for your loss.
In regards to Ringo, I would agree with what Ann wrote - give it some time and keep Ringo in your family. I'm sure he's been just as sensitive to the passing of your husband as you have and I know whatever changes lie ahead for all of you, he'll be there through thick and thin.
I also know as long as Ringo is with you, regardless of the size of the backyard or the house, he'll adapt and he'll be happy. Living with 2 sheppy's myself, I can attest to the amount of hair around here but in the big scheme of things, that is a minor problem - they're a part of our family and I (or my wife) quite frankly, wouldn't have it any other way.
I know this maybe a simple reply to a very complicated situation but I'll suggest that you hang in there, keep Ringo and things will work themselves out - they always do.
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Post by akinito on Nov 20, 2006 22:12:06 GMT -5
Oh, thank you all for your prompt responses. Thankk you also for your words of sympathy.. I know Ringo misses his master..from day one-we noticed right away that Ringo sensed something was wrong. He wasn't finishing his meals at all for like a week or so! And with all the people in the house those first couple of weeks, he didn't mind staying in the crate for a few hours! I know Ringo has been part of this family..my kids cherish him. That is why I am so torn on what to decide about him. I know I have time to think about it..I will ... I value your opinions and I will listen. I guess once we move and things settle down..I will be able to relax and concentrate on doing things for myself..which will be maybe around spring time. yikes.. i just hope Ringo won't "regress" by starting to 'go' inside the new place...is that possible? will I have to re-housetrain him again? o, ann, i don't think i can have Ringo on my bed..he is so big and i'll have to keep shaking off his fur off my comforter!
well..thank you once again.. happy thanksgiving to all! marsha
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Post by Aussienot on Nov 22, 2006 3:07:54 GMT -5
When my husband was lost to suicide, I forged a new relationship with "his" dog. I had always resented Jody more than a little because I exercised her, I fed her, I was kind to her, but I was less than dirt in her eyes, and effortlessly, and HE WAS HER GOD. But Jody and I shared the grief and in our mutual recognition of shared grief and healing bonded in a new way.
A little known secret is that the size of the yard does not really matter. If the dog can turn around, lie down in at least two places, and scratch without hitting a wall, it's probably enough space. Dogs rarely 'self-exercise' - even on acreage.
I was in no position to cope with my dogs at that time in my life, but my dogs managed to find a way to cope with me and my sudden lack of care. Dogs are frigging amazing in that way. A few months of coping will determine whether he'd be better off elsewhere, and you might move past this point emotionally. Your daughter might not be able to rationalize things the way you can. In my current job I deal a lot with people who have made the hard choice, but can't cope with the reaction of their children. Having a needy living thing depending on you might be a really good discipline, and a reason to keep on fighting the good fight.
But if you really feel that Ringo would thrive elsewhere; if guilt over not giving him a proper life is too strong; or if having him around is just too painful, then find a shelter that has a good re-homing rate and surrender him. There is only so much baggage that you can handle at this point. Taking care of yourself is paramount and there is no shame in that.
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Post by Nicole on Nov 22, 2006 8:46:59 GMT -5
I am very sorry for your loss, Marsha. I agree with everyone else regarding Ringo.
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Post by masha on Nov 22, 2006 10:49:11 GMT -5
Hi I would just like to add - I also own a White Shepherd who needs a lot of exercise and attention, and have recently moved from a house with a big garden into a townhouse with a tiny garden. I worried a lot about whether she would be happy in her new surroundings.
The size of the garden really does not matter to her. She wants to be indoors with us all the time anyway, and we take her for walks everyday. I would say that you only need to worry about your dog being unhappy if he has to be alone for most of the day, and if you cannot walk/give him attention often enough.
These things might not be possible for you to guarantee in your new life. A dog like this is very demanding. As Aussienot says, you have to look after yourself.
And I know ALL about the shedding. Wow. Its like living with a full time blizzard.
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