Post by Aussienot on Aug 8, 2010 23:06:39 GMT -5
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Dog Trainer Version)
Pavlov: We fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4 p.m. until the chicken's autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the why.
B.F. Skinner: On prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.
Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, changed its state of mind and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road because I am a strong leader, damn it!
Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, "Walkies!" with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.
Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road-crossing behavior.
Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was happy to cross the road to get away from me.
Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it just floated across the road.
Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats, soon becoming morbidly obese.
Yuppie: Chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.
Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.
PETA member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals, but chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.
(Dog Trainer Version)
Pavlov: We fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4 p.m. until the chicken's autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the why.
B.F. Skinner: On prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.
Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, changed its state of mind and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road because I am a strong leader, damn it!
Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, "Walkies!" with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.
Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road-crossing behavior.
Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was happy to cross the road to get away from me.
Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it just floated across the road.
Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats, soon becoming morbidly obese.
Yuppie: Chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.
Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.
PETA member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals, but chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.