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Post by Dom on Aug 6, 2006 13:37:47 GMT -5
Well we won't be looking at getting another dog for a bit. My mother showed up at the house with all of her belongings but ONE. Her Pom. Seems she and her boyfriend broke up again . She is going to move back in. I asked her where Doogie (her Pom) was and she said she left him with her boyfriend. BUT he didn't want him either so he was going to get rid of him. I told her to bring him here and she said he was too much trouble. I repeated bring him back here and she retorted with "He is just too expensive to keep around" My husband is beyond pissed and confronted my mom saying that a dog is not f*&%$ disposable. She has pretty much locked herself in her room as of now. I tried to call her boyfriend but he wasn't home. I plan on picking up the little hellion next week when I get a hold of him. Her Pom is a pain but she has owned him for over 5 years. Every problem he has was caused by her and her boyfriend. How someone could suddenly decide they don't want a dog, they have owned, just pisses me off!! The dog is too much trouble or too expensive to take care of? Well you should have thought of that BEFORE you got one! Gaaaa I am just so annoyed at the moment. I know Doogie is a horrible influence on Sadie but we dealt with that for the 4 years my mom and her bf lived with us. After mom finally comes out of her room I will tell her again to bring the Pom here and my husband and I will pay his expenses. Knowing them they are using the dog as bargaining tool in their relationship.
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Post by kaos on Aug 6, 2006 15:52:29 GMT -5
That is so sad - but this post speaks volumes about you and your husband
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Post by Dom on Aug 6, 2006 16:54:30 GMT -5
I am slowly wearing my mom down. The conversation I just had with her. I swear I am not making this up. Me-"Just bring Doogie back here. We will work it out when he gets here" Mom-"I don't know if I can handle Sadie and him together. They spaz out together." <OK it is a given when Doogie is around Sadie they tend to wind each other up. Simple enough to correct and easy to deal with> Me-" don't worry about it. They got along fine before. Just bring him back here and we can go from there" Mom-"I don't have the time or patience to deal with them together. They make me nuts. Oh did I tell you I want to start volunteering at the hospital next week?" My mom doesn't work so she has a lot of time on her hands. Now I have nothing against anyone volunteering for anything. I think it is time well spent. But if she doesn't have the time or patience for her own dog, how does she think she will have either volunteering. ' I don't think that wanting to keep the dog says much about me except that I am stubborn as hell when it comes to animals. Now it does say a lot about my husband. He really doesn't like the dog much but he was the first one to say the dog is coming back here. I think a lot of Doogie's behavior problems came from my mom's boyfriend. Since the bf isn't coming we should be able to correct a lot of Doogie's "issues". The bf thought it was funny to run through the house and have the dog growling and biting him. Thank goodness the dog is only around 15 lbs. They had a 115 lb Rotty at one time. That was scary. They went out of town and had me come over and let their 2 Poms out and let the Rotty in to feed them. The Rotty had already grabbed one of their Poms and shook him. Me being a dummy started cleaning while the Rotty was in the living room with me. I was on my knees pulling something from under the couch. I heard growling and tilted my head to see the Rotty's face right next to my head. I was lucky he didn't bite me. It scared the crap outta me. I managed to back away, stand up then order him into the other room. After I put him back outside it really hit me and I was shaking for 30 minutes afterward. The dog was put down at a year old after biting the bf twice. The second time in his face. He treated the Pom just like the Rotty. It is going to be boot camp for sure when Doogie gets here. Fortunately both Sadie and Doogie are rather "soft" dogs when it comes to correction. I can either look at them or say Eh to stop what they are doing. Building my mom's confidence is the harder part. She is scared to take anything from him for fear of a bit. My husband and I on the other hand, will remove anything he tries to lay claim to. My mom sees how calm he is when one of us takes charge but she just can't do it herself. I came into the living room today and Sadie was climbing into her lap and she was struggling to push her off. I turned to Sadie and told her "off" and she popped her butt back on the floor. I am not sure what it is about my mom that just gives off such weak energy. She was actually talking to Sadie in high pitched voice pleading for Sadie to get off her. I think you all know more about my life than some of my family. You poor souls.
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Post by kaos on Aug 6, 2006 19:37:31 GMT -5
Well, sounds like you will might have an easier time training Doogie than your Mum - I've failed miserably at training my parents who inisist on doing all the things I have told them not to with their dogs then wondering why they still pull on a lead / have poor recall etc etc etc! Thankfully no biting involved though.
Poor dog does sounds like he didn't have much of a chance with the BF around, with a bit of consistency he might even turn out to be quite lovable (here's hoping)?
I really do think you are doing a very noble thing in taking in your Mum and her dog and putting your own plans for a second dog aside. You should definitely feel very virtuous!
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Post by Dom on Aug 6, 2006 20:02:09 GMT -5
Thank you for response but I am hardly virtuous My husband will agree. LOL I feel your pain about trying to "train" your parents. I respect my mother. I try to go around it by manipulating behavior from her. It works sometimes and other times I just have to be blunt. My husband is blunt 100% of the time so she tends to tune him out. Doogie is a lovable dog but he was raised with zero boundaries. He thinks "Its mine and you have no right to correct or take anything I have" I am kinda glad my mom didn't bring Doogie home tonight because I have spent all day correcting Sadie's behavior. About an hour ago I went looking for Sadie and found her on my Mom's bed. Her being on our bed is allowed. Until we tell her off. I came in my mom's room and she was eating with Sadie 6 inches from her drooling (Sadie not my mom ) . I said Eh! Down! and she downed and ignored my mom. Sadie knows better. She just tests boundaries anytime she gets the chance. Anyone willing to take my mom in while I take her dog??? I swear my mom is house trained.
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Post by kaos on Aug 6, 2006 22:55:29 GMT -5
'I don't give a hoot if it's positive/Negative reinforcement (whatever you can make of those terms), clicker, prong, ecollar or whatever...TRAIN YOUR DOG TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF THE HOUSE AND HIS PLACE IN YOUR PACK!!!!'
Here here! We may go about things slightly differently but I think we all want a similar outcome and agree that all dogs need boundaries and training or become a danger to themselves and society. Whilst 'discussing' training methods etc it is easy to lose sight of that shared goal that dogs not end up being rehomed or put down due to lack of any training.
ps Sorry no takers here for the mother - when my parents came to stay last year I told them on the way home from the airport that feeding my dogs from the table would result in instant eviction! I know, definitely not very positive training of me but I never claimed to be good with parents.
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Post by Richard on Aug 7, 2006 7:43:11 GMT -5
'I don't give a hoot if it's positive/Negative reinforcement (whatever you can make of those terms), clicker, prong, ecollar or whatever...TRAIN YOUR DOG TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF THE HOUSE AND HIS PLACE IN YOUR PACK!!!!' Sorry, I'd removed my post to rewrite it (long day)...but I'll say it again: if you don't show your dog (or family) what is expected of them there will be nothing but trouble ahead for both. I was also concerned about how someone could just PTS a one year old Rottie for not knowing what was right from wrong - since no one ever took the time to train him - but it appears he was probably teased and tormented though based on his actions with you. The bf sounds like a real twit Dom and your mother is better off without him. I applaud you and your husbands efforts to "make it right" with the pom. The way the bf seems, that dog will either end up as bait at a dog fight or PTS like the Rottie was - essentially expendable in his sub-human mind. I have no use for careless, thoughtless people.
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Post by Dom on Aug 7, 2006 8:44:26 GMT -5
I missed the chance to read your first post K9Rocky. I am sure you could have said nothing to offend me. You are right my mom's bf is a twit. I hope once we get the Pom back he never owns another dog again. He is constantly telling the Pom "Get em!" if a cat, bird or anything is around. It is making for a very unbalanced dog that is always on guard. The bf is into the "ooooo look how macho my dog is". :-*God I just can't imagine how bad Doogie's nerves have become since they moved out. I can't see the bf using Doogie as a bait dog but he has gotten Doogie into some rather bad circumstances before. He bragged how Doogie ran off a pit that was in the yard before. I am surprised I didn't break a few of my teeth from grinding them. I told him he was an idiot and asked him why Doogie wasn't on a leash to begin with. Doogie has dashed across the street to chase cats and squirrels. All I can say is I hope the bf relinquishes Doogie to us. When/if he does Doogie will become mine and my husbands dog. We are going to change all the records over to our names. I am really mentally exhausted over this. My mom told me that she can't " deal" with the training so she will leave the house for a day so I can train him. I told her first off it was not going to be day but would be an ongoing process. Second she would be part of it as long as she was in the house. The weak link always breaks the chain so to speak. So no takers on my mom huh? I guess I will just toss her out because I just don't have the time or patience to deal with her. That was me being sarcastic btw. It sounds kinda stupid too. How can people say the same statement about their pets and feel okay about it? Especially since THEY were the ones that WILLINGLY made the CHOICE to bring a dog into there home and promise to care for it.
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Post by Richard on Aug 7, 2006 8:57:34 GMT -5
Hi there, No I don't usually write stuff to p.o. people, I only get offensive when backed into a corner - naaah JK!! Other than the part that Kaos picked up, it was mostly just another rant about people who get dogs and do nothing with them or worse, torment and mistreat them and then, as a matter of convenience, put them down because they can't deal with the little/big monster they created. It was a long day when I read your post regarding your situation and more specifically the part about the Rottie and the twit bf so I didn't have a lot of "positives" in my post and it was just better to remove it and try later - inbetween, I took the sheps for an midnight stroll in the neighborhood and went to bed when we got back! I like that you two will take charge of the pom..probably better off if your mother doesn't have too much to do with him for a while. He's going to have to figure out his new world order, his place in the pack now and what is expected of him. Depending on how much damage was done by the bf to his personality/behaviour, it will take some time - but it'll be worth it in the short and long term.
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Post by Dom on Aug 7, 2006 9:29:03 GMT -5
Other than the part that Kaos picked up, it was mostly just another rant about people who get dogs and do nothing with them or worse, torment and mistreat them and then, as a matter of convenience, put them down because they can't deal with the little/big monster they created. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was raised around that mentality. When I was younger my family had dogs just to "have" them. The dogs where always out door dogs and if one died you just "replaced" him. We went through 4 dogs in our home when I was younger. Three of them were given away at around 1 year of age because they were too hyper, annoying, or <insert excuse>. The only corrections used where screaming or hitting them on the butt with your hand or newspaper. A dog was just a dog. That is all I knew. After I moved out I got my Doberman just to "have" a dog. That dog is what started the change in me. He was not JUST a dog. He stayed in the house with me. He would lay his head on my lap when I was sad. He would make me laugh when I was down. He offered security and velcroed himself to my leg when I was scared. He was NOT just a dog. I feel sorry for those that never experienced that. The look in a dog's eyes screams volumes with out a sound muttered. I don't think any human could have changed my thinking of how to treat animals but my Doberman sure knew how to do it.
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Post by Richard on Aug 7, 2006 9:58:14 GMT -5
ahhh, thanks to your Dobe, I see you made the jump to what it means to be a true dog handler.
That is the essence of humand/dog relationship - by giving them what they need to survive in your pack (training, rules, pack order, love, respect ect), it's a perfect match and one that I would never, ever reneg on.
My shepherds look to that consistency and it's my job to keep it that way. If I'm not here, they know my wife is in charge (well she is anyway) and they listen to her.
IMHO, it would be great if more people applied this thinking to every dog out there, whether big or small, purebreed or mixed. As I noted above, regardless of what training plan you choose (and please folks pick one that works for you and your dog and thier breed) the first principal is that you want to make the dog and you the best you both can be - anything less that it's like you said Dom, in your experience growing up: yup, we have a dog - nothing more nothing less - it's just a dog!
People who think that way are missing the best parts of handling a dog and making them part of their lives!
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Post by Nicole on Aug 7, 2006 13:47:02 GMT -5
Dom, you are like a breath of fresh air. I am glad you came to the site. I enjoy reading your posts. I hope that it all works out with the Pom. With your dedication, I have no doubt that it will. Mom's can be difficult but...cherish her anyway.
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Post by willow on Aug 7, 2006 14:46:45 GMT -5
Dom, you are like a breath of fresh air. I am glad you came to the site. I enjoy reading your posts. I hope that it all works out with the Pom. With your dedication, I have no doubt that it will. Mom's can be difficult but...cherish her anyway. Ditto about enjoying your posts and my reply has nothing to do with dogs, but I just wanted to say that I lost my mother too, three years ago the 3rd of this month and I wish everyday that she was back with us, eventhough at times we girls would get so frustrated with her. As Nicki said, cherish every moment with her. She's only human, and you never know from day to day.......... I also know it works both ways and I can remember many times when our mother was frustrated with us kids too. ;D
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Post by Dom on Aug 7, 2006 15:16:25 GMT -5
Yes my mom is priceless. I truly do not know what I would do with out her. She had breast cancer about 10 years ago and it was touch and go for awhile. One of the reasons I vented here is because I would never fuss about so much in front of my mom. The first reason being it would just upset her. The second reason being it is my mom. Sorry I vented so much here. If I vent everything to my husband it would make him upset and he is liable to say something to my mom. I don't want to cause friction in our home. It isn't worth it. So I used you all as an outlet. Like I said before. You poor souls!
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Post by willow on Aug 7, 2006 19:10:52 GMT -5
Not a problem! My sister's and I had each other to "vent" to, and believe me we did vent at times. We all need a healthy way to get rid of our frustrations, so please don't apologize for venting and don't be afraid to do it again whenever you need to, but there are people who don't have a good relationship, on a whole, with their parents and this saddens me, because both of my parents are gone and I miss them everyday. I didn't mean to make you feel bad for venting. Sorry.
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